"Don’t have any expectations"
We hear this a lot but how do we really DO this?
Expectations and relationships are a sure road to disappointment and hurt. I recently found myself in this situation and it was not pretty for either of us. Although we both said that we had no expectations, I definitely felt the pressure. And when we both wrapped it up, it was clear that there were expectations from both ends.
In my experience it is difficult to go into any relationship with 100%, TRULY no expectations.
I found myself saying that I had none, but when I felt annoyed or frustrated, it was quite obvious that I did have them.
Expectations can take many forms. For me it manifested as an idea of how the other person would act and react. I was projecting a lot of what I didn’t want in a relationship. And of course, with that expectation, I found ‘evidence’ to support my idea.
As he said to me “it was if you came with your mind already made up”. And he was completely right. I had. I had made up my mind (expected) that it wouldn’t work out. That he wasn’t for me. That he would be like this and like that. And he was. And when that happened, it made me draw away. I felt trapped, smothered and desperately wanted to break free.
Before the “friends-zone” chat I sat and meditated and found myself revealing my expectations. I saw clearly, how my expectations had a hand in creating the uncomfortable situation I was in.
I started to inspect my expectations from the outside in. Why did I have them? How did they serve me?
In my situation (and this is certainly not true for everyone) I had these expectations because I KNEW that this relationship was not going anywhere. That knowing, was not an expectation. That was a truth. How did I know the difference?
That little thing called intuition.
Deep down I knew what it was that I wanted in a relationship that would support me to thrive and be inspired. And this match was not the one to do this. My expectations, in this moment, were a sign to turn the other way. If only I had listened to that intuition sooner, there would have been a lot less heartache!
So now I am sitting here with the question – how do I go into the next relationship with no expectations? I think the answer is,
I will almost always have expectations.
But the key is to be aware that they exist and realise when I am acting or reacting in a way that is coming from these projections. When I can be aware, I have a choice to act in a way that is more compassionate and aligned with my higher intentions.
Ahhh life. I’ll never get sick of learning from it!
How do your expectations manifest in your life?
What expectations do you have of the people in your life? How would your relationship change if you were to let these fall away?
What are your expectations trying to say to you?
Let me know your thoughts and perspectives by commenting below! I’d love to know!
Nik Chung xx